Tuesday, June 7, 2011

To The Sea...

She woke up one day and realized that all she owned was worthless. Her collection of clothes hung professionally by a company who organized closets and promised to organize your life at the same time. Her vintage cabinet of vintage shoes, all curated by a girl who only bought new as a rule. Her wall of bags, mostly It. Her new high-efficiency washer and dryer, even though they sent their clothes out. His distressed leather chair worn down by someone else. Her entire drawer of imported teas, even though she preferred Gin. All worthless.

Damn. She'd paid so much.

She woke up in the feather bed with his body as next to her without touching as he could be. He hadn’t touched her in weeks, and after a while, she stopped caring.

It happened that fast. Really, it did. No lingering doubts or wondering or what ifs at all; one morning, she knew she was living a meaningless life.

She looked around at the loft they'd filled with their time and money. If she closed her eyes, she could see the dreams they pieced together to create this image of Successful, Happy Couple...wouldn't you just die to be us?

She was, in fact, dying being them.

So what means anything, she asked herself, if everything means nothing?

Go find out. 

And that's all she heard.  

In books and movies and magazine articles, it's so easy to follow that voice. But how many of us honestly wake up one day and set off to Eat, Pray and Love? Maybe one. And she was far too scared to be that one.

She liked her clothes. She liked the thought of her shiny red appliances. She liked her hot man who never touched her...no one knew about that, anyway. She liked her daily routine, her tea and her Gin. She liked her view of the dirty city below her. She liked her turquoise maryjanes and her lemon-yellow clutch. She like knowing what she would wake up to tomorrow.

Go find out.

How? How do you turn inside out all you have just to see what’s really inside your soul? How do you step away from what was everything five minutes ago to look for something you're not even sure exists? How?

In the end of her beginning, she decided to pack nothing. She wore one dress, filled one handbag, and picked her most comfortable pair of boots she was told once belonged to a famous Jane...she never remembered which one. She made herself one last delicious cup of tea before she kissed him goodbye.

Where are you going? He didn't seem surprised. Just relieved.

I don’t know, but I think it'll be somewhere that scares me the most. Maybe the sea...

The sea?! he shouted. You can't even swim!

Well, then, she smiled one last time. I'd better learn...

Steps that make my heart race found here.