I'm so lucky to be gifted with your emails and personal letters and all-around grace, especially during this difficult time for me. Grateful doesn't seem to cover it.
I just opened a note from someone I don't really know...yet...and in it, she asked how I can possibly stay so positive.
At some point during the early days of this journey, I found myself alone in a specialist's waiting room. I wasn't really alone, though; my favorite people in the world were on their way and I could feel them nearing me. Have you ever felt that kind of love? It's nice, isn't it?
And I also wasn't alone because there was one other girl in that waiting room waiting for the same specialist. She looked lonely. More than that, she looked frightened. My heart broke a million times for her.
We chatted nervously and politely at first, then found ourselves laughing together about nothing and about everything: our circumstances that brought us to this office, our health, and our hopes. And in the course of our conversation, I learned a few things about her. Mainly that she was alone in this; she hadn't told anyone she was sick and had decided to go it alone.
To me, that meant more than she wouldn't have anyone to hold her hand through that appointment or through her treatment. It meant she wouldn't have anyone to make her toast when toast was the only thing that tasted good. There would be no one to play Carly Simon and just sit next to her and just be. There would be no one to wrap her up in a blanket just warmed by the dryer and whisk her away for an ice cream sundae and a breathtaking night sky. Just because she'd need that. Deep in her soul, she'd need that. And someone who loved her would know this.
There would be no one to call her every thirty minutes with a joke or a sweet whisper or or a plain old "How are you, baby?" No one to wipe away her tears or that awful comment she made when she wasn't thinking before she made it. No one to understand what she might be enduring this minute and tomorrow and the day after and years from now. No one to avoid talking about the future. Unless she wanted to talk about the future. No one to whisper away nightmares at midnight and laugh away the worry that comes with the first rays of sun. No one to just hold her hand.
How do I stay so positive? Easy. I have all of that. And more.
I took that poor doll's number and I've decided I'm going to call her and check on her whether she likes it or not. I'm hoping she'll like it. Have a beautiful weekend, friends, and make sure you share your soul with others. Otherwise, it's such a lonely life, don't you think? Find this girl on Pinterest.